If you are looking for the quotes to refresh your mind or for the sense of humor then you are in right place. Here we collect different funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. lets get start for funny quotes.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women
marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both
disappointed.”
– Albert Einstein
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius
has its limits.”
– Albert Einstein
“‘I don’t
want a whole dessert; let’s just get two spoons.’ —Former friends of mine.”
—Anna Kendrick
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see
us happy.”
“Before
you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile
away and you’ve got his shoes!”
– Billy Connolly
“When
life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
“By the
time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s
wrong.”
– Charles Wadsworth
“High
heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”
– Christopher Morley
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is
thunder and lightning.
- Clint Eastwood
“Education
is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”
– Daniel J. Boorstin
“The
duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”
– Edward Abbey
- Ellen DeGeneres
“A woman
is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot
water.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“A
computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
– Emo Philips
“I asked
God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and
asked for forgiveness.”
– Emo Philips
“I drink
to make other people more interesting.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“Marriage
is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“I can’t
understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily
buy one for a few dollars.”
– Fred Allen
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
“Whoever
said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
– Gertrude Stein
If you
don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Jack
Benny
“If a
book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?”
Behind
every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried
before.
- Mae West
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just
like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
“It's
not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
― Marilyn Monroe
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to
have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
—Nora Ephron
“My parents said marrying was an optimistic thing to do in pessimistic times.”
—Olivia Wilde
Progress
is man's ability to complicate simplicity.
- Thor Heyerdahl
“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not
spending enough time with them.”
—Reese Witherspoon
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should
make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and
have a party.
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth
the others are here for I don't know.
- . H. Auden
I am a
marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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